Future Forgotten Realms: Aftermath
by Marvin Hadablaster
Summary: The Realms have come back, to a future-day Earth... and along with the gold and monsters and stuff, there's always an evil mastermind to take advantage of it. (CHAPTER 6 and the prodigal Chapter 7 are in!)
1. Chapter 1: It begins

A BLAST FROM THE PAST- READ THIS FIRST!  
  
This is an oddly-written story. The first chapter was written and stored on my Zip disk for about a year. And about half of the second chapter, too. But, luckily, I have learned how to write. I'll eventually edit this, but not now. Well, I did some editing. Anyways, look for a second chapter, and welcome to a modern-day, twisted version of the Forgotten Realms series.  
  
Forgotten Realms: Second Age  
  
Aftermath  
  
Forgotten Realms, D&D, and all trademarks of the series belong to Wizards of the Coast. The characters are mine, however. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
PROLOGUE  
  
It was the dawn of another day in Shadowdale.  
  
Well, technically, it was one day before the Time of Troubles.  
  
Elminster looked back at four years of toil. He looked back at the trickery of magic he had created, along with 11 other mages, and twelve clerics, and numerous potty breaks. He was called upon to create a spell, a spell that was unlike any other. Not only did it require the arcane magics of the mage, it also required the god-given powers of a cleric.  
  
This spell was so powerful, no mind on Faerun could contain it within his mind, as it resulted in major headaches, bulging eyes, and almost always, the exploding head.  
  
So, they had to commit it to a scroll. A VERY long one.  
  
To keep it safeguarded by villians, ne-er do wells, and the like, they made a scroll case that was practically almost unbreakable and wouldn't break up over time, thanks to some runes from the Shadowdale Quilting Society. After that little endeavor, they had to choose a place to bury it. The place chosen to bury it was six miles north of Shadowdale, in a graveyard.  
  
Many people got very angry about that.  
  
The Mayor of Shadowdale made a town hall meeting to explain how no one could possibly find the scroll in the graveyard, but, the exclamations of how the last time they tried to do that.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you, you drunken fool?! The last time ye put yer gaudy junk in ye damned graveyard, the town was swarming with ye damn undead! And, we lost most of the town's population thanks to ye damned "Sword of Re-Animation"!" a dwarf ranted. The town cheered.  
  
So, the mayor said to the town that he would not disturb the undead by putting the scroll in the graveyard. I've already filled it up with my leftover chicken bones, The Mayor thought.  
  
But, he did it anyways. On the morning that The Time of Troubles began, The Mayor fetched a boy from a poor family to go do the work for a small amount of gold. The boy left with the scroll, but, never returned. When the parents found out, they let the cat out of the bag, and Mayor Jull was impeached, never to show his face in Shadowdale again.  
  
The scroll, however, seemed to have been lost forever.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------  
  
BOOK 1: Wherein our heroes and villains meet  
  
CHAPTER 1  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------  
  
Pentonville, New Jersey 5:37 AM  
  
Somewhere, inside the forest, you would hear birds. Lots of birds chirping. So, why was this forest constantly bearing the sounds of something un- Mother Nature like?  
  
To answer your question: A house by a dirt road was housing a 19 year old gamer named Marvin Hadablaster. Marvin Hadablaster was the pale-skinned, nerdy six foot three person that never gave any thought to almost anything except for these things: 1) Food, 2) Phone and his DSL connection, 3) His computer, 4) Electricity, 5) His computer and his games. Other than that, well, he'll ignore it.  
  
So, on this one fateful morning, Marvin was jamming to the sounds of Green Day while playing an intense game of Unreal. His eyes were glued to the screen, as if he were the character inside the game, and he wondered if he would get out of this situation alive.  
  
Then, suddenly, inside the game, a rather large alien popped out from behind the doorway. Marvin's character picked up his rocket launcher, took aim, and blew the creature's face into his skull. The monster collapsed and ceased to exist.  
  
Then, ten other monsters decided to do the same thing. They popped out of their hidey-holes and crevices, and began to fire at Marvin with their blasters. Marvin circle-strafed in vain, trying to deal with the creatures one by one, but, it was too late. The last shot connected with his character's leg, snapped it right off, and Marvin's character hit his head against the wall. Then, his character suddenly lost his IQ points, decided to look at what gun he was carrying at the wrong end, and accidentally fired the trigger.  
  
Marvin slapped his hand against his forehead. "Dammit. Stupid Realism AI." Marvin sighed, and looked at the clock.  
  
And then the knock on the door came.  
  
=====================================================  
  
Bangor, Maine  
  
=====================================================  
  
Man, whatever is past those tripwires and security cameras must be really good, Jeric mused.  
  
Jeric Halper was 22, had brown-blonde hair, was 6'1", and usually wore a outfit that you would normally see only in a Star Wars novel.  
  
He was a regular, peace-loving citizen by day, but, he was the one who usually disturbed the peace unintentionally at night. Why, you may ask.  
  
Because he was a self-proclaimed master thief. Don't let the "master" fool you, "so-so" may have adequately described his skills. He was nowhere near being a master thief, he was a man fueled by his ego and the obsession with getting his valuable shineys. And, he looked smart, but, in truth, he wasn't very bright.  
  
And when Jeric was tipped off about the science lab and the possible mysteries that surrounded it, he was eager to go take a look.  
  
They had waited, or so they thought, for the inevitable comedy that would result in his arrest.  
  
Jeric studied the tripwires. Out of his backpack, he pulled out some mirrors with wooden stands. Then. he placed the mirrors in front of the tripwires, making them point their laser sensor directly at the ceiling. He did this with the other tripwires, making a safe passage to the lab.  
  
Here I come.  
  
The slide-door was locked, and how much Jeric attempted to pull it open, he had no success. So, Jeric got out his lockpicks. He began to pick the lock very slowly at first, getting comfortable with getting his picks fitted in, and then-  
  
SNAP! "Dammit!" Jeric cried, then, realizing his mistake, covered his mouth with hands.  
  
Then, a voice cried out: "Who's there!? George, is that you?" Shit. Jeric looked frantically for a way to sneak up on the guard and club him over the head. He climbed up to the ceiling.  
  
"George?" The fat tub of lard in his security guard outfit cried out. He took a bite of his jelly donut, and walked towards the door Jeric was trying to pick. "Huh. What happened to the tripwires? And why does the lock look like it's been picked into-"  
  
Jeric fell from the ceiling, onto the fat guy's shoulders, and ripped off his helmet. The fat guy reached for his pistol, but, Jeric, in a wave of adrenaline, beat the fat guy to it. The pistol slammed against the wall, fired a bullet which went into the door, and clattered. The fat guy bent over on his back, but Jeric didn't notice, and he fell on the floor with a fat guy on top of him.. Jeric struggled in vain to get away, but, the guy's fat seemingly sucked him in and held him there.  
  
Tim reached for his pistol.  
  
========================================================= 5:55 AM  
  
Pentonville, New Jersey ========================================================================  
  
Marvin went up to the door and opened it. "Yes, yes, you have my attention."  
  
It was an old lady, wearing white robes, a cowl, and holding a book written in Elvish. "Hello, kind sir! I just happened to wander by your house-"  
  
"Get to the point. Unreal is calling."  
  
"Would you like to join the masses of forest elves that have given themselves to Melikki?"  
  
Marvin groaned in his thoughts. Fortunately, he had something to detract annoying Jehovah's witnesses types.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Sir, you live off of the forest."  
  
"I do not."  
  
"But, sir, this house is made of wood. Your door is made of wood. Your goblet is made of wood."  
  
Marvin snickered. "Wood."  
  
The old woman seemed shocked. "You dirty man!"  
  
Marvin then pretended to play dumb. "I took a bath in the evening! I'm not dirty!"  
  
"Whatever, young man. Melikki is the forest goddess. She loves her forest, and I think it's time you gave something back to her."  
  
"Uh. no. Please stay away from my house, and stop using the bong, you old hag." Marvin then slammed the door in her face.  
  
The old woman was offended, right down to her withered heart. "Well, whippersnapper, I NEVER!"  
  
She scoffed and walked away.  
  
"What the hell is a Melikki? Sounds like a damn soft-drink!" Marvin said to himself inside his house. 


	2. Chapter 2: Mielikki's Witnesses from the...

-- NOTES FROM THE AUTHOR --  
  
Before I start this chapter, I would like tho thank Architehieustguesshamalamadingdong (or something) for  
  
reviewing my story, pointing out that Marvin is ignorant. Thank you!  
  
Marvin: HEY!  
  
And, yes, I may use Mind Flayers, providing I'm not too rusty on them. And to Xel, for giving me a reason to post a second chapter.  
  
I've decided to focus more on individual storylines, going from Marvin's character, to Jeric's (thief), to Byara's (cleric) to Kyara's (bard) to Mystic's (mage). But, along the way, so it doesn't get boring, I will include little short stories in between. They will be marked as (SS) in the chapter title.  
  
Ah, yes, and there's a lot of swearing and one gunfight in this one.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Chapter 2: Mielikki's Witnesses from the Nine Hells!  
  
------------------------------------------------------- Pentonville, New Jersey -------------------------------------------------------  
  
The old lady traveled through the forest, grumbling to herself. She finally reached this rock pillar, when two men, wearing purple robes and cowls, stepped out.  
  
"Where is he?" One of the men asked.  
  
"He didn't-" then, stopping herself, changed back into an mage, wearing old ladies' clothes. "He didn't come."  
  
The two mages were laughing too hard to hear him.  
  
"Damnable spell!" The man in old ladies' clothes yelled. The mages continued laughing, until one wheezed out, "Sorry about that. He didn't come with, now did he? Well, let's show that man the wrath of. of. what are our titles again? WHOO!"  
  
"TYR, Bark! We are the MAGES OF DOOOOM!"  
  
"Oh, ok, Bite."  
  
Breath (the man in old ladies' clothes) commented, "Fellow adventurers? Let's go destroy that Marvin knave!"  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
Marvin finished getting dressed, and then, he picked up his keys, when-  
  
*SNIFF* *SNIFF* "Is something burning?" He walked to the bedroom, where the smell was coming from.  
  
"OH, GOD! MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE!"  
  
The flames quickly spread, in one second, coming from the wall, spreading to his bed, his end table, and then, in just 12 seconds, engulfed the room.  
  
What in the hell!? The source of the fire came from that. that. crazy flask. wait a sec. it's THAT OLD LADY!! Marvin thought.  
  
Marvin roared in anger, and ran into another room, opened the counter inside that room, and pulled out a pistol from the counter, along with two clips. Marvin quickly tucked the clips into his pants pocket, clicked the safety off of his pistol, and quickly ran outside, before the flames engulfed the entire house.  
  
*******************************  
  
The three mages looked outside, watching the pretty flames build up and engulf the house in record time, when Marvin burst out of the house, on fire, who then proceeded to stop, drop, and roll.  
  
"NOW!" Bark screamed.  
  
The three men began casting spells. Marvin looked at them, they were summoning lights. pretty lights! Oooh, and they came out in an arc and they're heading towards- *SMACK!* Marvin tumbled to the ground.  
  
(What the HELL? And what the HELL JUST HIT ME!?) Marvin thought, shortly after being hit with a Magic Missile.  
  
Marvin raised his .45, and took potshots at the mages. One shot hit a tree, the other brushed by Breath (What the hell is going on here? What the HELL IS HAPPENING!? WHY HAS THIS DAMN WORLD TURNED UPSIDE DOWN AND WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME!? Marvin ranted.) Marvin dove behind a tree.  
  
The house collapsed, crushing most of Marvin's stuff (the ones he cared about.), and engulfing the rest with flame. The mages ran to face Marvin, in front of his burning house, when-  
  
*CRACK!* Breath took a bullet in the head, and fell down.  
  
Bark and Bite looked at Marvin, then his gun, then at Breath, then back to Marvin and his weapon again, screamed, and ran away.  
  
"NO ONE ESCAPES THE WRATH OF MARVIN!! COME BACK HERE!" Marvin took off after the fleeing mages, shooting wildly at them in the forest. Bark and Bite ran as fast as they could, but Bite tripped, and Marvin shot him in the leg and chest, which caused Bite to have a sudden loss of vitality. Marvin quickly slammed another clip in his pistol, when the turned around and quickly cast a spell (Green! thought Marvin.), and the mage thought he had it made.  
  
But, he said the spell too quickly in excitement, and he failed to cast it. Marvin shot Bite in the leg, then, walked over to him. Bite quickly drew his knife, (Knife!? What the hell is he doing with a knife!? Doesn't he know about guns? Marvin thought.) and swiped Marvin's leg, leaving a medium- sized scratch, and a torn pants-leg. Marvin yelped, and jumped back, keeping his pistol trained on Bark's body.  
  
"Who the hell are you?" Marvin inquired.  
  
"You knave! You think you are invincible, with your precious. precious. uh."  
  
"It's called a gun, stupid."  
  
"Gun? What a strange name!"  
  
(Stupid. Has he never heard of a gun before? And what's with those light thingies? And why do they hurt?) Marvin thought, rubbing the side of his body where the "thingie" hit him five minutes earlier.  
  
"Who the hell are you?" Marvin asked Bark again.  
  
"What's it to you, knave?"  
  
"Stop calling me a knave. Now, where did you come from, dammit?" Marvin inquired once more in a higher tone.  
  
"I've come from the city of Cormyr! Are you happy now?"  
  
(Cormyr? What the hell is that? What's a Corm? Oy. I shouldn't have eaten that three-week old hot dog.)  
  
"Uh. yeah. I guess." Marvin said in a strange tone.  
  
"Ok, bye!" Bark got up, but Marvin fired a shot, which brushed past Bark, and hit the ground behind him. Bark screamed.  
  
"I'm not done, stupid. Now, who do you work for?"  
  
"THE MAGES OF DOOM!! THEY'RE ON THIS MAP!" Bark screamed in fear and in a adrenaline induced state, tossed Marvin his map. "DON'T KILL ME!! AIEEEE!!!" Bark got up, and ran down the forest screaming like no tomorrow.  
  
Marvin picked up the map, and studied it. It was a beautifully crafted map (Cloth? Wha?), tarnished with ink blots, scribbled writing, and food stains. He studied the map, and he eventually figured out that the map was directions, also, for an assasination plot: He figured out all the bad drawings of fire were supposed to be at his house, and that the man with the X's with eyes was supposed to be him. Oh, and that they were also supposed to pick up milk on the way home. Marvin frowned. He then noticed that the HQ was on the map, in a dotted trail a la "The Family Circus", that led back to the base. Marvin smiled. "I'm coming for you. now, to get my truck and-"  
  
Suddenly, a tire flew out from overhead and crashed into one of the trees. Marvin groaned.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Continued. 


	3. Chapter 3: Nymphs and Homocidal BattleAx...

Chapter 3: Nymphs and Homocidal Battle-Axes  
  
Once again, props to Mizza A, Yo! for reviewing my story.  
  
And, also, props to Anthony Bault, author of the "Heroes of Arcadia" saga for giving me the thumbs up for my work.  
  
And, yes, Akashalkadaquiri, things will be explained as they go along. Such as the presence of the scroll, for one, and why the hell monsters from D&D are spawning on Earth. But not now.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------- Blah Blah Blah New Jerseycakes 7:34 AM ----------------------------------------------------------  
  
Marvin trudged down the forest, totally ignoring the cut that was bleeding and becoming infected on his leg, carrying his Colt .45, which had five bullets left in the clip. He had a mission: Find those stupid mages and kill them all. He took in the forest air, as the dirt crunched on his shoes as he stepped on it. To pass the time, Marvin began counting the trees. "34, 35, 36, 37...."  
  
A scream was heard! Marvin acted on instinct and ran to the spot where the scream resonated, which happened to have a girl running away from some guy in leather armor, carrying a battle-axe.  
  
(Oh, what the hell. Might as well take out some of my anger onto this friggin' moron, and earn a few brownie points.) Marvin picked up his Colt, and began shooting at the loser in the armor. Two of the shots missed, but one shot hit the guy in the arm, and one hit the torso.  
  
The guy was absolutely surprised. "YOU CUR!" and a host of other swear words. Marvin silenced him with another bullet to the leg. "Why don't you shut up and find someone else to harass?" Marvin growled.  
  
The man in leather howled and grabbed his leg. Then, he tried to hop after Marvin, but that resulted in hitting his head on the ground, and falling down.  
  
Marvin sighed and reloaded his gun. The girl ran over to him. "Thank you, kind sire!" The girl squealed.  
  
"Yeah, yeah. All in a day's work. Rah." Marvin sighed.  
  
"Sire, what is wrong?"  
  
"My house has been burned down and three mages tried to kill me, this world has suddenly become infused with the art of magic, my HOUSE has burned down, I'm very quickly running out of bullets, and I'm gaining more enemies."  
  
The girl walked up to Marvin and put her arms around him. "Oh, don't worry, dear. I'm sure I could find some way to comfort you.. *giggle*"  
  
"How? For starters, you could help me with this cut on my leg."  
  
The girl blinked. "Ouch! It looks like a nasty cut! What shall I do, good sire?"  
  
"For starters, can you close it up and heal it?"  
  
"Well.ok!"  
  
The girl pulled out a small vial, filled with red liquid, and handed it to Marvin.  
  
"What the- what's this?" Marvin asked.  
  
"Drink it! It'll make you feel better than ever!"  
  
"Why is there a dead newt floating in it?"  
  
"An essential ingredient to my special potions!"  
  
"Ah. And why is it red?"  
  
"Uh.... oh, to the nine hells with this!"  
  
The girl's body transformed into a snarling, angry red Balor.  
  
"YOU WILL LEARN TO LOVE ME!!!" the balor boomed.  
  
Marvin dropped the potion, screamed, and took off through the forest.  
  
"COME BACK HERE! I LOVE YOU!!!"  
  
***********************  
  
"It's okay, to be Little-Bitty."  
  
Joe Bob hummed the music while driving down the road.  
  
".in a big ol' city, might as well share, might as well smile, life goes on in a little-bitty while."  
  
Then, he saw them. A man, shooting at the big, red thing with fiery wings, was booming lines of bad poetry to the man, while the man was screaming, shooting, stumbling, getting up, and running through the forest.  
  
He was too distracted by the scene, too distracted to avoid crashing.  
  
The pick-up swerved, almost hit the balor, and hit the tree, where the air bags were deployed. Joe Bob groaned.  
  
The man continued to run, but the balor noticed the the crashed truck. The balor located the human inside, reached in, picked him up, and bit off half of his body. "Mmm. hazelnut!" The balor boomed. She ate the other half, spat out the leather boots, and continued on her journey.  
  
************************  
  
"AHH! HELP! SHIT! AGH! NOOOHOHOOOOOHOOOO!!"  
  
Marvin kept running and running from the balor until he ran out of breath. He collapsed from lack of breath, and the balor catched up.  
  
"There you are!" The balor boomed, and squealed in delight.  
  
Marvin's eyes went wide. (I have three bullets left in my gun.. when she gets in close, I'll unload these bullets into her head and maybe, just maybe.)  
  
"We'll have so much fun together!" As the balor scopped him up. Marvin aimed his gun at the balor's face, and fired three times.  
  
None of the bullets hit.  
  
"Oh, you crazy cutie!" The balor boomed. "Don't you know your weapon can't hurt me?"  
  
(AAAAAARRRGH!!) Marvin yelled in his mind. (God-damn.. uh.. whatever's happened! Yeah! Damn it all!)  
  
Then, the most miraculous or most painful thing just happened, depending on whether you were Marvin or the crazy, love-stricken Balor.  
  
A flying, enchanted battle-axe came from out of nowhere and hit the Balor in the back of the head, causing her to, uh, die.  
  
The Balor fell and landed on Marvin. Marvin pushed himself out from under the Balor.  
  
"Argh! My poor lungs!" Marvin turned around and noticed the battle-axe which had dug itself pretty deep into the Balor's head. The battle-axe picked itself up, and began floating in mid-air. Marvin was awestruck and annoyed at the same time.  
  
"What in the hell are you?" 


	4. SChapter1: Marvin meets Mary Sue

Side Chapter 1: Marvin meets Mary Sue (AKA Author writes a chapter at 12:00 AM!)  
  
All right, this is a little side diversion pertaining to Marvin's journey.  
  
Stop complaining. It's supposed to be silly. And, I'm not too sure on the quality of this chapter, since it was written at 12:30 AM. So, forgive me. Please put your guns away. Thank you.  
  
***********************************************  
  
Somewhere between Chapters 2 and 3, this happened.  
  
Marvin was walking down the forest, when this sound was heard:  
  
"DRIZZ! OH, DRIZZT DOURDIN! WHER R U!?!!?"  
  
(What... the... iFUCK/I? Marvin thought.)  
  
Marvin dived behind a tree, while a million thoughts raced through his mind: (Oh, god, I'm hearing things! It's those damn mages, isn't it? Oh, man, if I get out of this one, I'll do ANYTHING! I'll give up my computer for a week! I'll stop being mean to the newbies online! I'LL-)  
  
Then, a beautiful melody broke out.  
  
IOh, Drizzt, my Drizt, life without you is the pitz, where r u my Drizzt, oh, Drizzt, my Drizzt!!/I  
  
Well, the voice was beautiful, but the lyrics were crap.  
  
Marvin blinked. (Drizt? Pitz? What the hell are those, snack foods?)  
  
Marvin peeked his head out from behind the tree. He saw an elven girl who looked like a teenager, clad in tight leather armor showing off her features, carrying a large pink bow.  
  
(Pink bow!? Marvin thought. What the hell? Oh, well. I don't think it would hurt to call to someone that cute...)  
  
"Excuse me, ma'am!" Marvin shouted at the passing teenager.  
  
The woman turned around and said "hello to u!" She waved.  
  
(Oh, who the hell cares if she can only speak crude English! She's CUTE!)  
  
"Uh. hi." Marvin stammered. He waved back.  
  
"wood u like to come help me destroy the lish!?"  
  
(Cute... lovely... obey...)  
  
"Y-y-yes, dear."  
  
"okay. ZANETH!!"  
  
Zaneth the horse came galloping through the forest, and went up to the girl.  
  
At that point, Marvin's brain split into two factions: One which would obey the Mary Sue and be as faithful as can be, like a sergeant and a private. That faction dominated.  
  
The other faction was Marvin's real subconsious. It pointed out mistakes and stupid things that the Mary Sue did. That was the submissive.  
  
So, when Marvin thought (What the hell is this? Why didn't she just ride her horse through the forest, instead of walking around?) that, this is what happened:  
  
"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! Jesus!" Marvin groaned, clutching his head. His nose began to bleed.  
  
"marvin? do u need some tylenol?" The elven archer asked, putting down the headset of her CD Player.  
  
"That would be nice, my lady." (MY LADY!? Marvin thought. Why am I talking like someone reciting lines from Shakes- OW! OH, GOD! MAKE IT STOP!)  
  
Marvin took the Tylenol and remained quiet for the ride.  
  
*************  
  
The horse was unbelieveably fast, galloping at least twice to three the top speed of a Ferrari.  
  
Marvin and Geledirel, the second daughter of Tyr, zoomed past New Jersey in three hours, covering New York.  
  
************************  
  
In Manhattan, A blonde woman sat in a chair at a local diner, known for it's strong coffee, it's good food, and a nice place to start out a day, overall.  
  
"Mrs. Halebein," the waiter said, giving her the coffee, "I will be right back."  
  
Byara Halebein smiled, said "Thank you!" to the waiter, and waited for her coffee to cool down a little.  
  
When suddenly, an large object, going over 350 MPH, ran by where Byara was sitting, causing a large gust of wind, which caused her unlided coffee cup to and spill over, scalding her face and her chest, also making a nice large brown stain on her blouse.  
  
Byara, in a fit of frustration, slowly wiped the hot coffee off of her face. "It must be Monday." she growled in pain.  
  
***********************  
  
They made a screeching halt somewhere in Canada, and she---  
  
***********************  
  
The author of this fanfic groaned.  
  
"Man, I'm friggin' tired." he said. "But, I must press on!"  
  
***********************  
  
Marvin and Geledirel stopped in Alberta, Canada.  
  
Geledriel made a dainty leap off the horse. Marvin fell off the horse, picked himself up, stammered, and ran shakily into the bushes, wherein he vomited up five hours' worth of junk food.  
  
Geledriel ran up to a nearby Drizzt Do'Urden. "oh drizt I mist u so much! I LUV U!!"  
  
"drizt" went, "oh geledriel I love u toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooollllllllllollllllllllllllllllllllll llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll (AN: oh sorry guys. Forgot to drink my Jolt.)  
  
just then the crystal shard popped up!!!!!! "HUR HUR HUR" it went.  
  
drizzt: "Oh no! We must sotp the cyrshal shard!"  
  
"u stupdi bean-head u cen enerar defeat me!!!! HUR HUR HUR"  
  
so then gaadriel shot The Crystal Shard with an arrow from her bow. The arrow sailed through the air and hit the sahrd, and then oh shiti'moutofjoltnooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooo  
  
(continues on for 384 more pages)  
  
**************  
  
Friends don't let friends write side chapters at 12:30 midnight, on Jolt Cola.  
  
Look what happened to me when I did it.  
  
- A friendly message from your author, Marvin Hadablaster 


	5. Chapter 4: They Finally Arrive in Town

Chapter 4: We Finally Arrive in Town  
  
Props: Angel Halo, Xel (again), Arglebargle (for the third time), Xue Liean, and that crazy person who's hiding from the hidden aliens who are trying to steal her third-level charm shield.  
  
I'm looking for beta-readers to help me with plot points, and other crap. Anyone interested, please e-mail me at marvinman@fastmail.fm  
  
This chapter was beta'd by Architeuthis. Yay! (Hurray! I can finally spell her name!)  
  
And for those ready to kick my butt for the Side Chapter: Side Chapters almost always never become canon to the plot. So, please not the face. Or below the belt.  
  
And now, the long awaited (?) entrance into town. Let's watch the fun!  
  
******************************* 7:47 AM *****  
  
The battleaxe floated in the air.  
  
"This has got to be a fucking DREAM!" Marvin exclaimed. "This is NOT happening!"  
  
The battleaxe spoke, in a upper-class Enlgish accent: "Do not be afraid, master."  
  
Marvin froze. "M-m-master?"  
  
"Indeed. You are my new owner."  
  
Marvin's shoulders slumped. (Oh, god. If I do wake up from this thing, I'm getting my head examined. I'll stop wasting most of my money on junk food. It's those damn energy drinks, I swear.) "How?"  
  
"It's very simple, master-"  
  
"Stop calling me master."  
  
"Yes. What shall I call you then?"  
  
"Marvin."  
  
"Well, Marvin, it's very simple: I'm a battleaxe, used in an old Uthgardt tribe, to show superiority. Whenever a tribe member demonstrated that he is superior to the tribe member wielding me, the loser was forced to give me up, and give me to the stronger tribe-member. It was a very annoying game of superiority, because, only the strongest member could only wield me, and  
  
I had to change my security magic to only allow myself to be used by the strongest tribe member. I got changed around every week or so, and changing the fingerprints is very very annoying."  
  
"Ah. I see. So, how did you figure out about that fingerprint thing?"  
  
"Scholars from the PUTS Academy." The battleaxe moved about 90 degrees, so that the handle of Mr. Friendly was facing Marvin. "You, Marvin, have demonstrated that you are the superior, by killing the Uthgardt who wielded me last. Barbaric, but it works. Please grip my handle."  
  
Marvin reluctantly gripped the handle of the battleaxe. A blue glow surrounded it.  
  
"Please do not move your hand for the next five seconds."  
  
At that point, a mosquito flew on top of Marvin's hand, and began to suck his blood. Marvin made faces, and gripped his empty Colt .45, attempting to not swat the fly. Marvin wanted this fingerprint thing done here and now.  
  
"It's done."  
  
Marvin swatted the fly, which was still drinking his blood. "Damn flies."  
  
**********************************  
  
Marvin traveled for an hour on foot, when he finally reached the town of Pentonville. It was a small urban town, with about a population of about 250-400. Marvin was no stranger to this town, as he contstantly stopped at his local computer store at the last two years, checking out hardware and software, flirting with the cashier.  
  
But that all didn't matter now. What currently was on Marvin's mind was getting revenge on those damn mages. And he planned to do it with lots of hot bullety death for everyone. Computers were a very low priority at this point.  
  
When he entered the town, Marvin just walked to the gun shop. with the battleaxe trailing in mid-air right behind him. Several people stopped and looked at the battleaxe. One screamed, "AHHH! IT'S A FLOATING AXE! HE'LL KILL US ALL!!"  
  
But before the man could run away, there was a flash, and the people turned around, stared at the building which had just popped-up, and went inside. The place was a ghost town eighteen seconds later.  
  
Marvin sighed. "Phew. Crisis averted."  
  
Unfortunately, the gun shop was closed.  
  
"DAMN IT!" Marvin roared.  
  
Marvin decided to try the Walgreens' across the street. Locked, and closed, with a note saying "Back in 30 minutes."  
  
"GOD-DAMMIT!" Marvin roared.  
  
He looked at his watch. 8:52 AM. Darlan's Guns n' Ammo opened at 10:00 AM.  
  
"Mr. Marvin, sir, what are you talking about?" The battleaxe inquired.  
  
And so, Marvin told the battleaxe. The battleaxe didn't understand. Marvin told the battleaxe about guns, ammo, the local time system, and the year.  
  
"Oh dear. The Uthgardt never told me about the time or the year. But then again, they were a clan of tribesmen who mostly lived in the mountains."  
  
And so, the battleaxe prattled on what the Uthgardt were. The battleaxe droned on and on and on, discribing their fighting skills, what they wore, how and what they ate. Marvin quickly fell asleep after a few minutes of his blathering.  
  
"WAKE UP!"  
  
Marvin jolted awake. "Huh? What? What's- oh. Sorry." Marvin absentmindedly scratched his hand, where a welt was developing. "Look, Mr. Friendly, I need a drink. Bad. Three of the craziest things had happened to me since 6:00 AM, and I don't plan on leaving this town without a drink, another gun, and a handful of clips."  
  
"Ah, yes. Your gun, as you call it."  
  
Marvin looked down on the cut on his leg. "And some medical attention."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah. I think this cut is becoming infected." Marvin looked towards the newly appeared building which everyone in town just went inside. (What the hell is so great about that place? I mean, it's just a damn restraunt. I mean, it doesn't even serve beer. Wait. why does the sign on the side say "Tavern"?)  
  
Marvin rushed in, with the battleaxe trailing right behind.  
  
************************  
  
The restraunt/tavern's renovations were a bit haphazard. The place looked like a crossover of a medieval and modern bars, with the occasional torch and wall-mounted light pair. The big screen plasma TV was crushed, but, in its place, were "The Banshee Ballad", a group of three teenage bards trying to create the most excellent sound on New Faerun.  
  
Apparently, they had failed in the radically worst way, making lute strums, drum beats to the sound of a 14-year-old screaming like a banshee.  
  
That caused the patrons to throw their half-full beer bottles at the kids. The drummer took a blow to the head, and was knocked out. The lute strummer and the singer retalitated by turning on the crowd, fighting with daggers.  
  
One drunk patron punched his friend, which caused his other drunk friend to punch him, which caused the first guy to punch the guy in the back of the head, and apparently, they kept hitting the others instead of each other. A brawl broke out.  
  
Twenty-seven seconds later, Marvin and Mr. Friendly came in. Marvin groaned and sighed at the mess they were making.  
  
"Oh, well. At least it's the most normal thing I've seen all morning."  
  
Marvin avoided the brawlers, went up to the counter, jumped right behind it (Man, they even managed to take out the bartender, Marvin thought.), went to the mini-bar, grabbed three beers, and looked up just in time to see Mr. Friendly block an incoming chair by cutting it in half.  
  
"Good save, Mr. Friendly."  
  
"Be careful, Marvin. That chair could have rendered you unconsious."  
  
Marvin smirked, grabbed Mr. Friendly, and ran out of there with the beers.  
  
**********************************  
  
And later, during the brawl, Marvin used Mr. Friendly to break into Darlan's...  
  
Marvin entered the store, through the make-shift hole he created from the back-door. He traveled past the supply room, and entered the shop through the back.  
  
"I'm like a kid in a candy store!" Marvin exclaimed.  
  
"Marvin, are you sure what you're doing is lawful?" Mr. Friendly inquired.  
  
"Look, dammit, Marvy needs his ammo now!" Marvin snapped.  
  
First, he put away his Colt .45 (Too small a magazine. I mean, if I have to face crazy crap all the time, at least I have to carry something with more than seven bullets.), took a Glock with four clips, and gave himself a Remington shotgun. Marvin loaded a shell into the gun, and fired at the ground.  
  
(I think I'm in love.)  
  
Marvin stole the shotgun, with four cartons of shells, and put all of his five-fingered goodies into the backpack in the supply room.  
  
After successfully stealing some of Darlan's goods (No police around. That's odd, Marvin thought, shortly before he heard several gunshots coming from the bar), he broke into the drugstore, and stole some aspirin, antibiotics, and a First Aid Kit.  
  
As soon as Marvin walked out of the drugstore, he saw that the police were on duty, and coming out of the tavern.  
  
"HEY! *hic* YOU'RE A DAMN THIEF!" One of the drunken officers shouted, and drew his gun.  
  
"Oh, dear. I knew this was going to happen to us, Marvin. Because no one escapes the arm of the-"  
  
"Shut up, battleaxe!" Marvin snapped and whipped out the Glock 18 that was in the holster he stole from the gun shop. (Wait... no, that would be very stupid.) Marvin re-holstered his pistol, and took out two of the beers.  
  
"Hey, officers! Just for doing a great job, have two cold ones on me!" Marvin walked up to the officers and gave them the beers.  
  
The officers hooted, and lifted up their guns, and fired shots into the air. Then, they began to work on opening the beer bottles with their batons. Marvin took this opportunity to leave town.  
  
After about 30 minutes into their walk, Mr. Friendly thought about the situation at hand, and how Marvin handled it. Mr. Friendly spoke up: "Uh, Marvin?"  
  
Marvin sighed. "What is it?"  
  
"What happens when the peacekeepers are no longer intoxicated?"  
  
"I'll hope to be out of this town long before they are no longer intoxicated. Besides, I need the ammo and first aid, and I'm not about to wait for everyone to stop their hangovers and re-open the stores. Fortunately, I will need to put a lot of miles between me and Pentonville, and I have plenty of time to do that. Now, for our next move."  
  
Marvin consulted the map. "Ah-HA! Mages' HQ is just ahead!"  
  
*****************  
  
Chapter 5 is coming soon. And, YES, Jeric Halper will be making a premiere sometime... in the next two chapters. And Byara Halebein will be also, too. Hahahaha! You thought the enitre side chapter wasn't canon, now did you? 


	6. Chapter 5: Byara and JericMarvin vs Mage...

Chapter 5: Marvin vs. Mages, Round 2!/Byara and Jeric are back  
  
Big props to the readers who, after two months, are still reading this fanfic. Sorry for the delay. Blame it on the idiots.  
  
More props to Alex, who lent me the Alphasmart to type this chapter up, Jake, Ryu, and Kraken for beta-ing this chapter, my local CompUSA for being patient, my friends at the Dimensional Rift forum for egging me on and being a source of laughter in an otherwise bile-infested day. And special thanks for the RP forum for putting up with me.  
  
One more note: I'm certain about which states the adventurers are traveling through, but, not the towns and cities themselves. So, in 2005, many of the towns and cities have different names, and most of them are fictional. Bear with me, I rarely have enough time on the computers nowadays to do solid research.  
  
No more thanks. More story.  
  
This chapter starts at 12:00 PM on September 1, 2005. Events occur in real time. And I'm not plugging anything.  
  
There were screams in the forest. Those screams were human, and they appeared to be coming from Marvin, who was having one hell of a time bandaging himself up.  
Grimacing in pain, he wrapped the last wound in a bandage, and put the first-aid supplies away.  
"Let's see... 4 clips, 7 bullets each for my Colt, 28 .45 bullets. 3 boxes of shells, 8 shells each, 8 in my shotgun, 24 shells." Marvin used this technique to ignore the pain. "3 clips, 20 bullets each, 20 in my Glock. Sixty 9 mm bullets." Marvin put away his weapons, and lay down on the forest floor.  
"Mr. Friendly!" Marvin said. "Guard me until I wake up." The floating, talking battleaxe did so.  
  
12:25 PM, Bennington, New York  
  
Byara Halebein was a native New Yorker, and she was familiar with most of the streets. She had acquired her knowledge from her job as a journalist. Byara was 29, going on 30, and she was an anchor on Channel 15 News for the 5, 6, and 10 PM broadcasts. She had intelligence and charisma. Yet, she felt she was missing something from her life. Oh, sure, she had plenty of action at bank robberies- at this one bank robbery, the robbers shot at the newscasters.  
"GET A CAR FOR THIS, YOU IDIOTIC COFFEE-SWILLING AUTOMATONS!!" the robber shouted before firing a .22 shell into the back of their newsvan, a shot which was intended for Byara. The police decided that this moron couldn't hit the earth if he tried, and SWAT teams stormed the building. They arrested him, and found out he had a wandering eye. But Byara still had a rush of adrenaline, even from people who couldn't even hit elephants.  
But today wasn't like any other.  
Byara walked into her office, reminiscing about this little event. She sat down in her chair, placing her cup of coffee on a nearby coaster, and sat down to check her e-mail. She typed in the web address to her e- mail account, and typed in her account name and password. She saw three messages: -NEW- From: candi362: you there? -NEW- From: Sister: meeting place -NEW- From: Cindy: Fw: Fw: FW: fw: FW: Fw: 2day is smak day!!!  
Byara quickly deleted the first and last message, and read the e-mail from her sister. From: jamer4evr@msn.com To: bhnws15@channel15.net Hey sis!! Wanna go to new Mexico? They've got killer tanning booths over there, and it looks so beautifl!! -Kyara SUBSCRIBE TO MSN.COM CAUSE BILLY BOY SAID SO DAMMIT!!  
Byara typed in her response. Sure, I guess. How is Mother doing? Is she fine? And what about Niggles the puppy? -Byara  
She would have said more, but then, some jerk in leather armor barged into her office. Byara quickly dispatched hm by spraying mace into his eyes, causing him to scream and fall down in surprise.  
"EVIL DEMON SPRAY!!" the intruder howled. Byara silenced him (or made him screech, whichever) with a well-placed kick to the groin. The intruder crumpled into the fetal position.  
Byara ran out of her office. "What's going on here!?" she said to a man running past her, his hair aflame.  
Byara sighed, and noticed a thief trying to win free candy with the "Upward Crane" game at the vending machines. Byara growled, and delivered a swift kick to below his belt. He howled, and went unconscious.  
"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?" Byara screamed. No one listened. Byara, to get someone's attention, put out a nearby flame with a nearby fire extinguisher. A thief came up right behind her, but, she was the quicker, and blasted him with the extinguisher full force. The extinguisher ran out, so Byara cold-cocked him on the head with the empty canister. The thief became unconscious, and celebrated by falling on the floor and taking a short nap. In anger, she decided to quit work early today. (Tough broad. ;))  
She took the stairs down, and she saw a puddle of blood.  
"OH, GOD! Who did this!?" Byara screamed. She wasn't motherly, she just liked things neat and orderly. She sidestepped the pool of blood, and continued down the stairs. You may be wondering why Byara didn't have her priorities in order. As a newscaster, she was desensitized to bloody crime scenes. Partly because of her older brother, back in the '90s when she was a teenager. Her older brother collected bugs, tore them apart, and was fascinated with death and the injury of the human body. She also listened to Kyara's band practice, which promised to "ROCK THE HELL OUT OF YOU ALL!!" with obscenely loud music. And they did.  
She made it to the first floor. Police officers were rushing by her, but one stopped to question Byara.  
"Miss! Stop!" the officer said.  
"Yes?" Byara asked.  
"What's going on up there?"  
"Meh. My coworkers are being monkeys, I suppose." Byara shrugged.  
"Ma'am, there have been phone calls from up there that claim that some nuts from the Middle Ages are pillaging and looting your office!"  
"Oh, so is that what it was?" Byara said. "By the way, you look cute..."  
The officer began to open his mouth, then close it, then open it.  
"Don't worry. I nailed three of them while I was escaping. I wonder who did it..." Byara walked away and out of the building. Meanwhile, four stories high, Channel 15 News was on fire.  
Something clicked in her mind. She thought back to the news reports she had heard this morning. Two people in flashy, ancient garments shot to death? A demon in a New Jersey forest? The Starbucks/Meat Pie store run by those guys with bad teeth and broadswords on the corner? It all came together.  
Byara decided to get the hell out of Dodge.  
  
3:00 PM -------------  
Jeric Halper's Greyhound bus came to a stop in Bennington, New York. Jeric had dreams, but this time, he dreamt that he had a big target painted on the back of his head. Oh, yeah, and he also dreamt that Carmen Electra fell in love with him after he gave her a rather large diamond.  
Byara, carrying two suitcases, got on the bus and took a seat right next to the sleeping Jeric. Jeric responded to Byara's arrival by shifting his sleeping position and drooling on her shoulder.  
The driver of the Greyhound Bus, Mr. Mulcutty, was a 75-year-old man on vacation from leisure in South Florida. "Dagnabbit! Why does this goldarn bus have to leave at 3:15 PM! Why not 3:10 or 3:05? In MY day..."  
The passengers silently groaned, and looked for the nearest reading material. Mulcutty's Ranting Time was a regular feature on this particular Greyhound, which meant that the bus had 15 minutes before driving away. Byara sighed, and tried to fall asleep. Fifteen minutes later, the bus was cruising down Main Street at exactly 15 MPH. The cars behind him honked.  
"Get off the fucking road, you fucking asshole!" one driver screamed.  
  
"Goddammit! It's called a GAS PEDAL, YOU DOWN-SYNDROME AFFECTED JACKASS!" another screamed.  
And still, the bus cruised on. At 4:00 PM, the bus was three blocks down the road, and the drivers of the cars, who carried small pistols despite having road rage, fired at the bus. Bullets ricocheted and hit the bus, other cars, and even hit other drivers shooting at the bus, causing Driver War XXVII to break out. The drivers began to shoot at each other, constantly reloading their small guns.  
Halfway into Driver War XXVII, Jeric woke up and heard the gunfight. Byara was fast asleep, the drool on her shoulder drying off. Jeric tapped her shoulder, trying to wake Byara.  
"Wake up. There's the craziest thing happening right now."  
"What is it?" Byara mumbled, half-asleep.  
"Drivers from behind us are shooting at each other."  
"Seen it." Byara went back to sleep.  
"Really?" Jeric said in an astonished tone.  
"Yeah. They have these damn Driver Wars monthly, if not more often." "Really? Wow."  
"Yeah. This is what happens when you have the court go lax on the gun control bill, and when there aren't any anger management classes."  
Jeric nodded his head in fascination.  
Meanwhile, the Axis (The Kia, Geo, and Nissan drivers) were winning against the Allies (The Mitsubishi, Toyota, and Pontiac drivers). The ones who ran out of ammo began throwing whatever they could, and getting into fistfights.  
And still, the bus drove on. But very slowly.  
  
Marvin woke up, after a six-long hour nap. He checked his watch: 6:07 PM. Good. Marvin picked himself up, and said to Mr. Friendly: "I'm up. Let's go do this."  
"Uhm, Marvin, are you sure you want to go do this?"  
"I'm getting back at the people who torched my house, remember?"  
"But you've been wounded!"  
Marvin looked down at the many bandages on his arms and legs. "Well, I am doing pretty well, aren't I? Besides, after the nap, I feel better. The pain from those twinkly things subsided, and these wounds don't hurt as much as they used to."  
Mr. Friendly sighed like a defeated parent. "Let's go get them."  
Marvin took out his Colt. "Let's go kick some magician ass."  
Marvin crept up to the small monastery-like castle. He looked to be counting how many mages, more or less, were inside the place. Marvin counted forty, and then thought of a plan. "All right. Mr. Friendly, I want you to go right up to them and to start attacking. I'll sneak around the back, and then I'll fight them. I'll attack the weaker forces, and when I'm done with them, I'll join you and finish these idiots off."  
"Ah. So, you took into account my battleaxe like figure, which those magic missiles cannot hit, so I can attack the mages with little to no resistance whatsoever! Good thinking, Marvin!"  
"Huh?" Marvin said. "Oh! Yeah! I'm good at that planning thing, aren't I?"  
They separated, Marvin going towards the back door, Mr. Friendly slipping between (between) the front gates.  
"Oy! Look! A floating battleaxe!" a mage wearing a brown robe shouted.  
"Uh... um..." The battleaxe thought about it for a moment. What would he say to that? "You're correct" or "Bloody well done!" wouldn't fit the occasion.  
"Uh... shut it!" The battleaxe said, and attacked.  
  
6:20 PM, Bennington, New York  
  
Driver War XXVII ended at 4:00 PM, when a series of explosions took out the contestants and charred the back of the Greyhound. 30 people died.  
At 6:00 PM, the bus had arrived at another section of Bennington. The driver had fallen asleep with his foot barely putting pressure on the gas pedal. They were now going 5 MPH. Somewhere, a terrorist that looked strangely like Dennis Hopper went absolutely batty over the old man's failure to drive above 50 MPH.  
"At least a fourth of the people are crazy, stupid, or insane in this town," Byara said to Jeric. "You just have to learn how to talk to them."  
  
"Ah. Really?"  
"Being a journalist for four years teaches you something about the human psyche."  
"Really? Wow. I've actually have never been to New York, but, what I've heard from friends in the business-" Jeric said friends in the business, because he was paranoid about spies and Big Brotherism. "- was that New York was crazy. I never thought of it like this."  
Jeric looked out the window. A parade of 40 people, carrying crossbows and torches were trailing the bus. One or two occasionally shot bolts into the air.  
"Byara, look out the window."  
Byara did so, and her eyes widened. "Oh, Jesus! Not them again!"  
"The men from the office?"  
"Yes!"  
"Well, hell!"  
A teenager, 16, wearing glasses, said to the crowd of thieves: "OH YEAH! ROCK OUT, DUDE!!" He extended his pinky and index finger, and stuck his thumb out. Three seconds later, a suspected spy of the gang of the Gibbering Jackals was lit aflame. He screamed and ran down the block.  
Jeric blinked. "Let's hope those laser geek whizzes made a good blaster..." He took out a prototype twin-barreled laser pistol. Designed to be efficient and overly destructive, the HM-6 Laser Project was made to assist soldiers in battle. When fired, the gun would shoot a pale green blast of energy, which would drain the battery whole. The beauty of it was, the gun fired energy from D batteries. The energy blasts shot faster, went longer, and did more damage than the lead-and-gunpowder bullets. It was truly a revolution in the science of warfare. Too bad it was so poorly guarded. All that grant money was going down the drain...  
Jeric fired a blast at the thieves. One connected with a thief, who hit the ground hard, his chest and lung area burned to nearly a crisp. The thieves retreated to the back of the Greyhound. Jeric broke away and jumped out of the west window, where it lead to an alley.  
"Wait!" Byara yelled, and got off the bus. The thieves thought of this as one very good opportunity to chase after them.  
  
Marvin fired his Colt wildly at the mages. Four in the back room fell to him, now there were four at a time casting spells all at once. Marvin quickly ducked behind a barrel and reloaded his weapon, when a jet of flame hit the barrel that he was hiding behind. It melted. Marvin didn't take this as a very good sign. He jumped forward and shot a mage in the head, and shot another one in the torso when he fell on his left shoulder. He stood up, and the mages began to cast another spell. Marvin shot at one and missed, but the mage fumbled his spell and it disappeared.  
The other mage hit Marvin with a magic missile. Marvin howled and shot him twice. The mage went down like a ton of bricks. The fourth began to cast another spell, but Marvin shot him in the leg. The mage howled and fell down, which gave Marvin time to reload his Colt again. The fourth mage came up, and Marvin promptly shot him again.  
"Like a bloody shooting gallery," Marvin said out loud. He ran into the west room, where there was a big half-orc and a familiar face...  
"Bark!?" Marvin shouted. "Stupid bastard! You should have left for Canada while you had the chance!"  
"Canada?" Bark said, rubbing his prosthetic leg.  
"Yes, Canada, you idiot!" Marvin said. He motioned to the half-orc. "Who the hell is he?"  
"ME GROG! ME SMASH BRAINS OUT!"  
"That's very nice. Now, Bark, why the hell did you burn my house down?"  
"We did it because there was a bounty on your head."  
"WHAT?!"  
"A tidy sum of 100 gold."  
"Who put you up to it?"  
"A mage named- WAIT! You idiot! You think I'm going to tell you?! Prepare to die, Marvin Hadablaster, slaughterer of mages!"  
This was GROG's signal to attack. GROG raised his double-axe and rushed to attack Marvin. Marvin, who had six more bullets in his Colt, shot him five times, then shot Bark in the chest. Marvin didn't kill them. Bark fell to the floor, while GROG's armor, an enchanted splint mail, softened the impact, and at the most, only bruised him.  
"YOU SHOT ME IN THE LEG! THAT REALLY HURT!" Bark screamed. Marvin reloaded his weapon, and ducked just in time to avoid a slash from the double-axe that certainly would have killed him. Marvin aimed at GROG in the head, fired a bullet which only winged him, to which GROG replied with a clumsy swipe which only scratched the floor.  
Bark took this as a sign to leave right now, as Marvin was too busy dealing with GROG to shoot at Bark. Marvin shot GROG in the hand, causing him to howl and drop his weapon. Marvin very quickly expended the last of the ammo on GROG's splint mail and head.  
"Where the hell is Bark? I wanna beat him over the head with his fake leg!" Marvin said, and went toward the dungeons. He went down the spiral steps and arrived at a huge locked wooden door. Marvin put away his shotgun, and took out his other pistol.  
On the surface, Mr. Friendly was having no trouble with the mages. They kept trying to cast Burning Hands on the battleaxe, but they kept missing and hitting each other.  
Meanwhile, in the underground dungeon, Marvin shot the lock and entered, and saw one guard with a spear standing idly.  
"You motherfuckers didn't think much about security, didn't you?" Marvin said, and then shot the guard in the chest and arm. The guard crumpled and died. Marvin grabbed a nearby torch and looked around.  
"Helloooo? Anyone home?" Marvin yelled out. "Come on! You guys bore me!" he said, in a cocky manner.  
Marvin heard a barely audible squeak out of the corner of his ear. He turned, and there he saw a girl lying on the floor, dressed in dirty rags.  
  
Marvin said, in a polite manner: "Friend or Foe?"  
"Friend," Arelia squeaked out. She was pale, and looking gaunt from malnourishment.  
Marvin grinned. "Just joking." He reached over and opened the cell door.  
Arelia stood up, and Marvin pointed his pistol at her.  
"Are you a demon or evil being of some sort?"  
Arelia's face scrunched up. "No!"  
Marvin put away his pistol, and reached out his hand. "Marvin Hadablaster."  
"Who's Marvin?"  
"It's my first name. Marvin."  
"Oh."  
"Where are you from?"  
Arelia coughed out some blood. "Please, dear sir, try and find some healing potions!"  
Marvin looked confused. "Healing potion? The only healing potion I know about isn't in liquid form. It's-"  
Arelia pointed to the guard's belt. It held a small bottle of cyan liquid.  
"Oh." Marvin scooped it up, uncorked it, and poured it in her mouth. Arelia's condition changed. She no longer was pale, but she still had a slightly bony appearance.  
"Oh, thank you, kind sir. I am from a small village in the forest north of here."  
"Well, that's-" Marvin said, and then noticed two points coming out of her hair that were her ears.  
"Um, Arelia, no offense, but what happened to your ears?"  
"I'm an elf. I'm supposed to have pointy ears!"  
"Oh. Sorry." Then, after a moment, Marvin asked, "What's an elf?"  
"If you can take me back to the town, I can tell you."  
"Oh, right. Sorry."  
Marvin helped her up and out of the dungeons.  
As soon as the two reached the outside, Mr. Friendly slaughtered the last mage, who unsuccessfully tried to cast a Fireball and ended up lighting himself on fire.  
"This was the most vigorous exercise I've ever had!" Mr. Friendly said. Marvin smiled.  
  
And this chapter will be concluded later. AlphaDunce VO5 is going batty by turning off every five seconds, speaking to me in a telepathic voice, sticking the keys, telling me to listen to Bette Midler songs... I swear to gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghyhgu7gggggg gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg-GAH! Dang key stuck. Bloody machine... so, that's it for right now. Mental note: #10 must be stopped. -Marvin PS: To my beta editors: Find the embarrassing misspelling! Win a prize! Laterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrty6r 


	7. Chapter 6: Trouble a'brewin'

Chapter 6: Marvin's Reward/The Black Market   
  
And it's Chapter Six time! Wave, kids! Thanks to Xue Liean for providing scenes in this chapter. As always, thanks to my beta readers.  
  
- New Jersey, The Forests, 7:00 PM EST -  
  
  
  
(15 minutes earlier)  
  
Marvin crept into another room, and suddenly stopped. The room, illuminated by magical fire, was actually an medieval office. Wooden desks and chairs were laid out in a 5X5 pattern, each with quills, ink bottles, and half-written parchments. A bird was sleeping soundly in a cage at a desk. In an open cupboard, there was extra parchment and ink. To his right, there was a bulletin board of papers asking for donations of gold pieces to a local-potion maker.  
  
Marvin's eyes widened. He had realized he killed innocents. "Oh, fuck," he said, shortly before throwing up into the trash receptacle.   
  
------------------------------------------  
  
"Well, now that I feel like a bastard, let's go to this city in the forest. I'm bushed, and I'm running out of bullets. Arelia, where?"   
  
Arelia raised her head. She was no longer wounded, but she was too weak from under-nourishment to walk by herself. "I remember this spot. I have had many playdates here with my friends. Turn left and walk some more."   
  
They did, and they reached a hidden city within the trees. It was majestic, and well-hidden by magic from invaders. There were two guards standing near the gates.   
  
"Halt! Who-" The teenage, squeaky-voiced guard said, then stopped. His memory of cute-looking elves suddenly flashed through his mind. The elf had an uncanny memory that was used only to remember cute elves he saw, but, when he invoked his memory, he forgot about everything and everybody for the time being.   
  
"…Princess Arelia?"   
  
Marvin's eyes went wide. "WHAT!?"   
  
Arelia said weakly, "Marvin… I didn't tell you this, because I thought you would take advantage of this situation…"   
  
"No! Why would I do that!? I'm not greedy, I'm just pissed off and looking for revenge!"  
  
The taller, burlier guard spoke up. "The human has freed Arelia from the mages! He is a friend, even though he's a scummy, ugly, evil, stupid human! Let him into Elenmor!"   
  
The teenage guard said, "…pretty." The older guard sighed, and opened the gate himself.   
  
---------  
  
Bennington, New York  
  
---------  
  
Jeric and Byara ran down the alleyway, dodging crossbow bolts. They reached the end of the alley with a fence blocking their progress, where there was a lone doorway on the right wall. Jeric went up to the door.   
  
The mob was coming closer. Byara could hear their shouts.  
  
Jeric knocked on the metal door. A slot in the door was pulled back, and a pair of eyes looked from the hole. "Password?"   
  
Jeric slipped the $10 bill through.   
  
"Incorrect." The mob was closer.   
  
Jeric slapped his forehead. "Argh. That was last week's password!" He turned to Byara. "Do you have a fiver?"   
  
Byara pulled out the five. A crossbow bolt sailed over their heads and struck a garbage can, knocking it over and revealing old pizza boxes, and other flotsam and jetsam.   
  
Jeric slipped the five inside. The door opened, and Jeric and Byara rushed through the opening. The door immediately closed, and the mob was locked outside.   
  
"Phew. That was a close one, wasn't it?" Jeric said to Byara coolly.   
  
Byara ignored him. "What is this place, Jeric?"   
  
"The Thieves' Guild." Jeric came to the Thieves' Guild when he was a teenager, looking for fortune, but none of the fame. He quickly became very good at it, and was occasionally able to net a small fortune from a gem or a valuable item.   
  
Byara's eyes widened. This place was just not a mere hideout- it was a warehouse-sized place of commerce. The place was lined up with shops offering many goods at each table- almost like a flea market, only it was illegal and only open to the people who knew the right people.   
  
The guard behind the door pulled out a Glock 18, and opened up the slot again. "Eat this, ye bastards!" He screamed, and fired into the mob.   
  
'Eat this, ye bastards?' Byara said to Jeric.   
  
"You meet a lot of strange people here."   
  
"Ah. So, what are we going to do?"   
  
"We're going to hide out here, get supplies, and plan our next course of action."   
  
"Okay."   
  
A thief snuck up right behind Byara and tried to pickpocket her purse. He did not do a very good job, opening her purse, then tugging at it, which was connected to a shoulder strap, which pushed Byara back. Byara's eyes widened and she whirled around.   
  
"Get out of my purse!" Byara said, then kicked the thief squarely in the stomach. He screamed in suprise, and ran away.   
  
"Jerk." Byara grumbled, then began to bend down and pick up the things that had fallen out of her purse.   
  
"He's like that. Poor sod."   
  
"Yeah."  
  
Dinner consisted of Tic-Tacs.   
  
------------------------------------------------   
  
New Mexico, 5:05 PM MST  
  
------------------------------------------------  
  
  
  
Kyara Halebein finally checked into her hotel room. Things were at their weirdest right now, and all she wanted to do was get some rest.   
  
She suffered a four-hour long wait to get onto her airplane from Florida, mainly caused by a disturbance at the runway ("Disturbance at the runway?" Kyara commented, as the lady at the intercom spoke, "What are they talking about?"), a four-hour long flight which consisted of a six-year old kicking the back of her seat, a showing of the movie and "Pokemon 2000", and tuna fish sandwiches with resembled cardboard.   
  
Kyara Halebein, 19, was a college student who was enjoying the last two weeks of her summer, right before classes restarted and she would have to go back to the hell that was the University of Florida. To Kyara Halebein, Hell was drunken frat parties, boys consistently hitting on her, and tests and exams every damn week. She was an anti-social person, since to her, South Florida was just old people looking for their medication, or young people here that were looking for sex and a tan. Very rarely, she met a few people that defied this theory, and she quickly became friends with them.   
  
Kyara was smart, but not book smart. Her last semester grades were Bs and Cs. She had to go to remedial Algebra, because she had done all right up to the final exam, which she bombed. She finished the one-month summer school class in June, barely passing.   
  
And, yes, she was Byara's sister.   
  
Kyara dropped her bags, and fell into the bed. "Ah, the joys of traveling," she said, falling asleep shortly thereafter in sweet silence.   
  
Then the guys laughing in the hall began. Three men getting drunk and laughing at cheesy jokes in the hallway was a ritual for this hotel, as it happened weekly, shortly before the innkeeper threw them out.   
  
The laughing woke Kyara up. She blinked the sleep out of her eyes, and got up, groggily.She brushed a hand through her brown, curly hair, fishing out the chocolate mint that had gotten caught, and put it back on the pillow.   
  
She lay back in bed, waiting for the damn noise to stop. Then, she turned the air conditioner on, hoping the serene drone would drown out some of the noise made by the men in the hall. Instead of the pleasant done, she got a rattling noise, the same noise that would occur if you put a toy inside the dryer, closed the door, and turned it on. Kyara groaned again. At least the air conditioner would stifle some of the noise, but it would be very annoying to fall asleep to. The rattling noise, along with the air conditioner, stopped after four minutes of operation.   
  
"Ah, coin-op air conditioners," Kyara replied sourly, "The hallmark of the greedy innkeeper." The laughing would not stop, and was joined by a screeching of babies from the next room. Kyara groaned, and turned on the TV.   
  
Golf was on. Kyara changed channels. Basketball. Spurs vs. Bulls. Flip. Racing. "Turning left. Oh, yipee." Kyara replied sarcastically. Flip. An auction to save the local PBS channel. Flip. When Dogs Attack People and When People Attack Dogs 2, back to back. Kyara watched it all, concentrating on the TV and not on the noises in the hallway.   
  
"THE PORTUGEUSE STRAY DOG DIGS IN TRASHCANS FOR ITS FOOD. ONCE IT SEES ITS PREY, IT REJOICES, AND PROMPTLY GETS SHOT BY A GUY AND SERVED IN A RESTERAUNT!" the tv said, showing several shots of the dog. Kyara blinked, and said, "Still, it's better than 'The Bachelor'".   
  
When both programs were done, the news came on. "Welcome to the six o' clock news," the newscaster chimed in, with her shit-eating grin. "Our top stories today: A puppy was rescued today seconds before falling from a lamppost and onto the ground. The rescuer is now a minor celebrity in the state of New Mexico as "Puppy-Catcher", so we will whore this as much as we can and have him as a special guest every day until it gets annoying." The newscaster grinned, then moved on to a more serious tone. "Also, there has been arson committed in another town in New Mexico, inside a forest. The suspects are Boy Scout Troop #25, which have currently been arrested and undergoing questioning. They had been found at the time of the fire, holding hot dogs on sticks." The newscaster grinned again. "Now, to John, with the weather!"   
  
John went on with the weather. It was going to be rainy and humid for the next couple of days. He then announced the temperatures for the next week, made a cheesy one-liner about the weather, then kicked it back to the newscaster.   
  
"This just in, from the police." the newscaster replied. Suddenly, all the annoying noises were joined by a bastardized form of German pop. Kyara turned up the volume on the TV, drowning out all the noise. "MacroCorp Software was attacked from inside and outside by people in hoods. The attackers have killed 51 employees, and so far, there have been only a few people that had escaped from the building." Camera footage of the building before and after the attack was being played. "Law enforcement is currently negotiating with the attackers inside the building, and they are warning people to stay away from the police scene." The newscaster cleared her throat, and said, "Now, to national news. In New Jersey, there has been reports of dead bod-"   
  
Kyara turned off the TV. What the hell was going on?, she thought. First, there were attacks by unidentified creatures in Florida, now a complete takeover of a company software building. It couldn't have been terrorists. Why would terrorists take over MacroCorp? All they do is produce Web-Page building software.   
  
Kyara concluded that this action was taken by complete nutters. She shrugged it off, picked up her laptop, and went to the nearest computer cafe.   
  
------------------   
  
Elenmor, 7:30 PM EST   
  
------------------  
  
Marvin was in a bright, cheery guest room, recovering steadily from his wounds, thanks to some soup and healing potions. He was greeted informally by the king, and given some items. The elven servants peeked in on him to just to see if it was actually true. A human, inside a city where humans were forever banned?   
  
Elenmor had seen its battles. Humans, mostly the local mages, attacked the city out of fear, desire for glory, greed, and spite. After several failed attacks from the mages, the guards started capturing and torturing any humans that got near, out of anger. The city developed a brooding hate against humans. This one time, a peacekeeper came to the city of Elenmor, bearing gifts. He was captured, had his motives questioned, and was painfully executed. The man who had ordered them to do that was accused of treason, and he was impeached from his position from the Elenmor elven army. The king himself recently hired a new commander, one that was pure of heart.   
  
The rumor spread like wildfire. The elves took sides- There was an "Hey, a human saved our king's daughter! Screw tradition, he's a good guy!". There was also a "The human is a spy! He's probably a mage, learning our inner defenses in a plot to take over this town! KILL HIM!"  
  
Princess Arelia told the history and politics to Marvin. "Well, at least their paranoia is understandable. Stupid mages." He sighed. "Well, once I take care of the idiot, I might as well find a way to get a new home. How I will raise the funds, I do not know. Maybe I can sell off these gold coins to a pawn shop. They would probably be worth something." Marvin said, drawing a bag of 46 gold coins, coins that he had picked off the headmaster. "The headmaster won't need these in the afterlife."   
  
Arelia blinked. "Uhm, Marvin, dear, those are currency. You might as well pawn 46 gold pieces for 46 of the same."   
  
"What? No, no one in the right mind in my world is going to accept this as currency. Unless they're really greedy and want to pawn the coins off." Marvin took a coin out of the bag. "How much do you think I would get for one of these? A dollar, maybe two?"   
  
"Look, Marvin, my father is really paranoid about you. You're a complete foreigner- your dress is funny-"   
  
"I don't wear a dress!"  
  
"...-your speech is funny, and your weapons are the strangest things I've ever seen. They're like crossbows, only without the bolts."   
  
"They're bullets."   
  
"Marvin, look. The elves know you're not from around here, and they're spooked. Any strange movement you make could result in your death."   
  
Marvin thought about this. "That's their problem. I'm sorry, Arelia, dear, but I've had enough of crazy demons, forest dwellers, and magicians trying to abracadabra me to death. I want to get some sleep, and I will be out of the elves' hair tomorrow morning, simple as that. If anyone comes in here and tries to attack me, they run of risk of having their head blown off, simple as that." Marvin looked in the grab bag the king had provided for him. "Hello, what have we here?"  
  
"What is it, Marvin?" Arelia inquired.   
  
"This necklace thing with a creature that has hair like Don King."   
  
"Don King?" Arelia inquired. Marvin gave her the amulet to examine. "Ohhhh... this is a regeneration amulet. It closes off your nicks and wounds, although it might not do anything if you're poisoned or if you contract a disease. My father usually gives these items as peace offerings. And the head on the amulet that looks like Don King is actually a species of troll."  
  
"Ah. Well, that could really come in handy. I could probably take a bullet and continue fighting." Marvin went through the grab bag some more. "Oh, goody. 100 gold coins. Hey, is that a potion?" Marvin took it out. It was, indeed, a potion. The liquid was of a soothing blue color, corked and in a vial.   
  
"Healing potion."   
  
"Oh, jolly good. Compliments to your father, he may be saving my neck out there." Marvin put the objects back into the bag. "Listen, Arelia, I need to get some sleep. This day has been unimaginably bad, and I need to rest for a possible second wave."   
  
"Okay. Good night, Marvin." Arelia got up off the chair, went outside, and closed the door. Marvin rested his head on the pillow, relaxed, and dozed off.   
  
It was 7:40 PM EST.  
  
  
  
-----   
  
New Mexico, Digital Java, 5:41 MST  
  
-----  
  
Kyara's computer did its thing, connecting itself to the internet through a 56K modem. When she finally logged on, she went into her MSN mail account, logged in, and checked her e-mail.  
  
-----   
  
You have 2 e-mail messages.   
  
1: 70% off! Dj38r (spam)   
  
2: Hey, sis! (Byara)   
  
(Read)(Compose)(Trash)(Log Off)   
  
----  
  
Kyara read the e-mail from her sister. She sent off a reply.  
  
----   
  
i am in New Mexico already! I had a roguh time getting here, and I just found out that some crayz (terrorist?) guys took over a building. I dunno, but nobovdy seems concerned about it. Oh, well. See you later when you get here!   
  
-Kyara   
  
-----   
  
Kyara logged off and turned off her laptop.   
  
--------  
  
  
  
7:50 EST, Bennington, New York  
  
--------  
  
Byara looked inside the clothing shop of the Thieves' Guild. There were garments stolen from local clothing shops, and some of the male and female thieves tested their ability to make some clothes. They weren't as fabulous as the ones that were stolen, but they unique in their own way, holding pockets and pouches for weapons, tools, places to hide gems and other small valuable items,   
  
This one dress caught Byara's eye. It was all blue, and resembled something like padded armor. Byara faintly noticed it, but the dress gave off a faint green glow. Also, she noticed a cloak which matched the dress quite well.  
  
"Uhm... excuse me, sir," Byara said, motioning to the dress and cloak, "how much are they?"   
  
"It came in hour ago," the Russian immigrant clerk said. "Some guy with need for money. Gave him $75. You have both for $100."   
  
Byara paid the $100, and also bought a carry-on bag for $10 more. She placed the dress and cloak in the carry-on bag, and walked out of the store.   
  
Jeric ran up to Byara. "Oh, there you are! Say, what are you doing with the carry-on bag?"  
  
"Jeric, I can't stay here for long. You've been a nice guy, saving me from the crazy guys and all, but, I need to leave tomorrow morning."   
  
Jeric looked a little crestfallen. "Really? Where?"   
  
"New Mexico."   
  
"I see. Why?"   
  
"I have to go see my sister. I need to go to the airport, buy my ticket, and fly out of here."   
  
"All right. I'll get you to the airport in case anything crazy like this happens again."   
  
Byara smiled. "You sure know how to treat a lady. Look, that was probably an event that was one-in-a-million. I'm sure nothing like this probably will ever happen again-"   
  
Jeric handed her a printout. Byara took it and read it. It was a condensed version of the events that had happened today. Marvin's escapades were on there, and so were the deathsof about eight thousand people, and the breakthroughs of many science experiments, some for the better, some for the worse. Plagues were in some towns, monsters were attacking others. But the one that caught her eye...   
  
"Oh, god! They took over a software company in New Mexico?!" Byara's fear grew. What if something happened to her little sister and she never got there in time? What if they planned to take over the entire town?   
  
"What is it, Byara?" Jeric inquired.   
  
Byara looked up from the printout. "Can you pay for your own airfare to New Mexico?"  
  
Jeric smiled. "Of course. I like to stay prepared."   
  
Byara smiled. "Good. Escort me to the airport, sire."   
  
"Of course, milady."   
  
-----------   
  
Jeric and Byara took a taxi to the airport, just in time to see a major police scene. The crazy men from Channel 11 were setting blocks aflame, and the police had shot them all. Firefighters were taking care of the blazing flames, saving babies, and they were doing one hell of a job. Unfortunately, one of the places that was aflame was the entire airport.   
  
Byara was absolutely scared now. She needed to find a way to contact her sister.   
  
"Jeric, I need to find a computer to use. Do you know where?"   
  
"The Guild has a computer lab."   
  
They quickly went back.   
  
---------------   
  
Byara quickly logged into her e-mail account. Luckily, the Channel 11 servers were still up, and she was able to access her account. She read the e-mail from Kyara, and her fear was dwindling. She sent off another e-mail to her sister, then logged off.   
  
Jeric was using a computer himself when the guy who tried to rob Byara an hour earlier went up to him.   
  
"Hey, man, your girlfriend beat me up!" the thief said.   
  
"Then maybe you shouldn't be looking inside her things." Jeric replied, not looking from the screen.  
  
"But she might have had money, man!"   
  
"Don't you have banks to rob?"   
  
"No, man. I'm on break."  
  
Jeric sighed. "Just go away."   
  
"No, man! I wanna 'pology!"   
  
"Leave."   
  
"No!"   
  
"You forced me to do this," Jeric said, pulling out a small electronic device with one button on the top, and with a small white cube in the center. Jeric put the device up to the thief's eyes, and pressed the button. The flash blinded the thief.   
  
"AAAUGH! I CAN'T SEE!"   
  
Everyone in the lab turned to look at the guy screaming and covering his eyes.   
  
"Uhm," Jeric said, then blurted out, "His contact lens came loose!"  
  
Everyone came to help him. Jeric tapped Byara on the shoulder, she sent off the e-mail, and they left the lab.   
  
"Byara," Jeric said, after they left the lab, "Can you fire a gun?"   
  
"Of course, although I haven't touched so much as a water pistol in about ten years. I will need a little refresher."   
  
"All right. The firing range is this way."   
  
Jeric and Byara left. Byara learned a few things about pistols, Jeric learned a few things about Byara, and Marvin woke up, laughing maniacally from a dream about roasting mages in an oven. After Byara bought a pistol, Jeric paying for it, they went down to the mini-hotel in the basement and fell asleep.   
  
But meanwhile, trouble was a-brewing.   
  
--------------  
  
8:15 PM EST: Outside the Thieves Guild  
  
The first of the officers arrived in a pizza van, ready to raid the Thieves' Guild and arrest all the thieves.   
  
"It will be a glorious day for the police officers of Bennington!" , the chief of police had said three hours before.   
  
Oh, it would be.   
  
-----------------------------------------   
  
Chapter 6 is done. Chapter 7 coming soon. Murgh. 


	8. Chapter 7: Escape

Chapter 7:   
  
10:00 PM: Thieves' Guild  
  
The SWATs, without warning, broke into the Thieves' Guild. "EVERYBODY, PUT YOUR HANDS UP RIGHT NOW!"  
  
In the Thieves' Guild, "PUT YOUR HANDS UP!" meant "SHOOT ME! I'M A POLICE OFFICER RUINING A WAY OF LIFE!"  
  
A major gunfight broke out. The guards took out two SWAT members with rifles. The SWATs began to open fire with their sub-machine guns. Two thieves took bullets and died, five thieves were wounded.  
  
Downstairs, in the mini-motel, everyone was woken up.   
  
The clerk said quietly, "Please exit through the supply room. We apologize for this sudden Code Red. Please leave."  
  
The thieves in the hotel pulled out their weapons and ran upstairs to join in the fight.  
  
Byara woke up. "Wh... what's with all the gunfire? What's going on, Jeric?"  
  
Jeric was up before the rest of the thieves, because his ears were more finely attuned to loud sounds. "Byara, wake up. We have to go, and we have to leave now."  
  
Byara got out of bed in her clothes. She had bothered not to get undressed, out of fear for suspected peepholes in the dressing room, and because Jeric told her that it's best to always be prepared in the Thieves' Guild.   
  
Jeric led Byara down the hallway to a secret room during the gunfight.   
  
"Jeric! Where are we going?" Byara inquired.  
  
"We're going to get out of here, Byara. We're going to New Mexico, and... um... damn it. Why did you want to go to New Mexico?"  
  
"To see my sister. Kyara."  
  
"Really? Are you both twins?" Jeric asked.  
  
"No. They couldn't think of any creative names beyond mine."  
  
"Ah. I'm coming to New Mexico with you, my dear. We'll have adventure, action, and we'll have ourselves one hell of a time, plus, maybe make a little money. Whaddya say?" Jeric said.  
  
"What do you mean, 'make money'?" Byara inquired, in a doubtful and cautious tone.  
  
"Well... I don't really know. Look, Byara, do you want to come with me and go to New Mexico, where this tribulation can be waited out?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
Jeric pushed his hand against a section of wall, which opened up. It opened to another room, filled with crates. It also had a hole in the floor.  
  
"Cover your nose," Jeric warned, "This leads to the sewers. It's a pretty convienient place to transport stuff without getting caught, because no one ever dares to venture down here, except for the homeless and other thieves."  
  
Jeric jumped down the hole. Byara shuddered, closed the hidden door, and went down the hole.  
  
The thieves were losing this battle, whittled down to only six or seven, and fighting against the remnants of Red and Blue teams.  
  
The two members of Green Team were searching for stragglers, and caught two wielding pistols. The stragglers shot at them, but they were no match for Green Team, who responded to the gunfire by pumping them full of lead from their sub-machine guns.  
  
The thieves finished the fight with only two or three members left, but they managed to eliminate Red and Blue team. They cheered, and Green Team foud them and fired.  
  
The police won.  
  
------------------  
  
Jeric and Byara traveled in the sewers, with Jeric's flashlight, guiding their path in a luminious white glow.  
  
"Ugh! This stench is awful!" Byara complained.   
  
"Hold your breath, and breathe through your mouth. Thats how I do it, anyway." Jeric answered. "Hey, did you see that?"  
  
"What?"   
  
"Two red dots."  
  
Shit! Byara thought. She went back to all those horror movies in college, and knew that obviously, red dots were not good. She drew her Beretta 92F, a gun Jeric bought for her earlier.  
  
Byara pointed her pistol at the red dots. "Who goes there?" she ordered.  
  
"The flesh speaks!" a voice hissed. "The food dares to challenge us? Oh, well! We were about to kill and eat you anyway! ATTACK!" The red dots were joined by several more pairs.  
  
"Oh, dear," Jeric said, getting into attack position. The wererats charged, holding short swords and scimitars, wearing ragged leather as armor. Byara fired wildly, blowing open the skull of a rat who was ahead of the pack. His head exploded, and he charged no more.  
  
The wererats abruptly stopped.  
  
"Oh, dear. Look at that," Byara said menacingly. "I killed your friend."  
  
"You did! DIE!" another wererat said. Byara shot him in the groin. The wererat screeched in pain, and crumpled into the fetal position. Byara shot him again in the chest.  
  
"Does anyone else want to get hurt?" Jeric said.  
  
Just then, a wererat casted an incantation on Byara's gun. Nothing happened.   
  
"Get out of here before I shoot you again!" Insteaad of complying, the rats charged. Byara shot one in the head, which exploded and rained bits of blood and bone over everyone. The rats stopped again.  
  
Oh, dammit, Jeric thought.  
  
This macabre act continued for a second or third time until Byara had shot the last wererat.   
  
"Well, that was odd. Let's just leave, shall we?"  
  
The two continued down the sewers.  
  
---------------------  
  
1:27 PM, Bennington NYPD   
  
---------------------  
  
"What? EXCELLENT!" the police chief screamed into the telephone. "God-damn! We got them! ...Oh, that's awful. But still! What do you mean, Halper wasnt there?"  
  
---------------  
  
1:28 AM, Thieves' Guild  
  
---------------  
  
"Halper, I repeat, Halper isn't here! I think he escaped while the gunfight was on. There were energy blast marks- Jeric's John Hancock. He still has that energy weapon, and the recent blast mark looks fresh! He is running around somewhere in Bennington, and he's not very far from here!"  
  
"Well, capture the god-damn maniac before he escapes! Otherwise, my role as a police chief will go down like the fucking Hindenburg, and I'll take your ass along for the ride! Do I make myself clear, son!?"  
  
"Sir! Yes, sir!"  
  
----------------  
  
The police chief hung up, and opened a drawer in his file cabinet. He took out a cigar, cut off the end, and lit it up. He took a long drag, and blew it out. Then, he called the alternates for SWAT team members.  
  
-----------------  
  
1:30 AM, Bennington  
  
-----------------  
  
The three remaining SWAT teams merged into Rainbow Team. They were not expecting the losses they had experienced tonight, and that Jeric could be the most dangerous of all.  
  
But, the thought of a much bigger paycheck for being the only three members on the SWAT team greatly influenced their morale.   
  
They went down into the sewers, hoping to cut off Jeric before he got out of the town. Using a map of the sewers (which they picked up from a dead thief), and from the discovery of the hidden contraband tunnel, they guessed where Jeric would be next, and picked an entrance to the sewers where they guessed Jeric would be coming up. And when he came along- he would go down just like in the movies, with maybe a larger-than-usual bloodsplatter. Then, they would maybe get the key to the city.  
  
The three men traversed into the sewers, taking time to load their sub-machineguns for what may be below. There had been a report about monsters attacking in the United States, and the news channels were making a big shit about the attacks. It may have been guys in costumes with swords bought from a major website that sold swords made by people who had extra anvils and furnaces lying around, it might have not, but they weren't taking any chances. They were at an intersection that led three ways, all very dark: ahead, left and right.  
  
"Where?" a SWAT member asked.  
  
"Uhm... right."  
  
The three traversed turned on their night-vision goggles, and were traveling down the sewer, when they heard footsteps.   
  
"There he is!" he whispered to his team members. "Mr. Jeric Halper! Drop your weapons and put your hands up! If you move, we will fire!"  
  
A pair of red eyes appeared. "We do not take any order or suggestion from you, fleshbag!"  
  
The SWATS were confused. Was this his version of a game? And his attempt to scare them away didn't work. "Mr. Halper, please step out in front of us and put your hands up!"  
  
"Go back to your city, you ignorant soon-to-be-supper!"  
  
Jesus, this guy is nuts! The SWAT members thought.  
  
"Mr. Halper, you will get one more chance to step into our range of vision and surrender yourself to the New York City Police Department-"  
  
"THE COLLECTIVE DETECTS A TRICK! THERE IS NO SUCH CITY!" the voice hissed, and he attacked. The SWATS had never seen a humanoid rat before. Especially one with a crossbow. The wererat fired a bolt into a SWAT's leg, which dug itself into his thigh. He screamed, and the SWATs began to fire. The rat was torn up and he fell to the sewer floor in a mass of holey, bloody, furry flesh.   
  
And suddenly, there was his community, right in front of them, all with their glowing eyes. The SWATs turned around, and there they were.  
  
"WE FEED!" the wererats screamed, and attacked. The SWATs fired their guns, which tore into their enemies one at a time. The rats, however, had dexeterity, strength, and number advantages, and overpowered the three SWATs.  
  
Ultimately, the SWATs survived until they had to reload, when the wererats began to slice and gnaw at their bodies with blade and tooth. The SWATs died and were ultimately eaten.  
  
It was 2:00 AM.  
  
-----------------  
  
And thus ends Chapter 7. Don't worry, things will lighten up around Chapter 8, but you do get a good chase scene in Chapter 9.  
  
Until then. And keep your 'Willard' references to yourself. 


	9. Chapter 8: Booga boo

Chapter 8: Escape from New York pt. II  
  
Chapter 8 is here! Wave, kids!  
  
As always, props to my beta readers.  
  
All the crazy crap has been taken care of in my life, so chapters may be written faster. Or slower. Depends on the computer games.  
  
Anyways, e-mail may be sent to marvinman@fastmail.fm. I welcome e-mail. Really.   
  
And now, Chapter 8.   
  
---------------------   
  
2:00 AM: Bennington  
  
  
  
Jeric walked ahead of Byara, who currently was waving her Beretta 92F at the tunnel behind and in front of her, occasionally firing off a shot at something she thought she saw.   
  
"Jeric... this place is scaring the hell out of me. How much farther?"   
  
"It's all right, my dear, not very far. Hopefully, we can get to a place where the cops can't find us and where we will be able to get some sleep. In the meantime, be careful where you fire off your weapon. You may attract unwanted attention."   
  
"I hope you're- OH MY GOD!" Byara yelled, pointing at the SWAT corpses. The corpses were flayed alive, and their armor torn off and destroyed.   
  
"Oh, god," Jeric said. "The rats got them. I hope they didn't take anything good. Let's take the stuff off the corpses, in case there are more. Byara, can you handle a two-handed gun?"   
  
"Sure." Byara took the sub-machine gun, and loaded it. Jeric put away his laser gun, and picked up two pairs of night-vision goggles. He handed a pair to Byara, which she promptly put on. He did the same, and turned on the goggles. They moved quickly but quietly, in an effort to avoid more wererats.   
  
----------------   
  
2:25 AM, Bennington NYPD   
  
----------------   
  
The replacements arrived at the police station, ready to go.   
  
"All right, gentlemen, you've got a mission and a big one: You're gonna take down one of these god-damn nuts running around with a laser gun around here. We sent in three of the remainder of the SWAT team, I haven't heard from them yet. Your mission is to aid them and to find that wacko. Understood?"   
  
"Sir! Yes, sir!"   
  
The SWATs left the room, thinking, We were dragged out of bed in the middle of the night for some guard mission!?   
  
------------------   
  
It took them ten minutes to find the last spot of where the other three SWATs of Rainbow Team were. The twelve activated their night-vision goggles, loaded their weapons, and went down into the sewers.   
  
Their first sight was not a pretty one.   
  
"OH, JESUS!" one of the SWATs screamed.   
  
There were dead wererat corpses everywhere, and they covered the three dead SWATs; two had their weapons missing.   
  
"Call for reinforcements!"   
  
"We ARE the reinforcements, you clod."   
  
"Oh."   
  
----------------  
  
2:41 AM: Bennington Sewers  
  
  
  
"Jeric, I'm scared," Byara said. "And the gloominess of the sewers isn't helping. Or the stench."   
  
"I know, dear. Just hang on."   
  
"Until when?"   
  
"Until we can find an opening out of the sewers."   
  
"Why?"   
  
"Well, their bloody operation to take out the Thieves' Guild was partly successful. The reason it's not entirely successful is because I'm still alive, and I still have the laser weapon in my grasp. They'll put out an APB on me, most likely with a reward, since I'm running around New York with the most high-tech weapon of death in the world. A pretty big reward, most likely."   
  
"Dear god!"   
  
"Yeah. I'm considering faking my own death to get the money."   
  
The two continued on. They went through a network of pipes, until finally, they reached a point in the tunnel where torches were lit to provide light, and also where they thought they heard humming.   
  
"The hell?" Byara said out loud. "What is that peculiar sound?" Jeric said. It sounded faintly like music.   
  
"There's a bend around here. Let's check what that noise is." Jeric suggested.   
  
"No!" Byara said.   
  
"Why not?" Jeric questioned.   
  
"Don't you know about this? The monster/killer/demon is always making people check around the corner, and then, WHAM!" Byara slammed her hand against the pipe to further emphasize her point, then quickly clutched it in her other hand. "Ow."   
  
"Yes, but we have weapons. If it makes you feel better, I'll check for you. If a monster is around, you'll have a ten-second head-start to escape!" Jeric said, and smiled proudly.   
  
Byara stared at him as if he had just grown a second head. Jeric walked around to the corner and peeked around it.   
  
It was an old man. An old man in blue wizard's garb, making a potion with an alchemy set. Stacks of spellbooks were piled in the corner, right next to a straw bed. A small lantern was hung in the corner, lighted. Right now, he was standing still, as if concentrating on something... then he stopped meditating and turned to Jeric. Jeric yelped out of a combination of fear, suprise, and force of habit.   
  
"Ah! Visitors! Please, do come in, I usually don't have people knocking on my door. Well, if I had one, anyway..."   
  
Jeric was befuddled. He remained silent and partially hidden.   
  
"Please come in, good sir. Don't be shy, you have nothing to fear from a doddering old magic-user."   
  
Jeric gave up and said, "How did you know I was here?"  
  
"A Wizard's Eye spell."   
  
"Huh?"   
  
"Never mind that, boy." The wizard scratched the gray mullet growing on his chin. "Aye, you don't look the magic-using type. But then again, you never know. Every one of us has a little bit of magic inside..."   
  
"Yeah, that's nice. Byara! He's friendly! Come out and meet him!" Byara walked into view, and stood right next to Jeric.   
  
"Anyways, my name is Jeric Halper."   
  
"My name is Gorfin Yana."  
  
  
  
-MEANWHILE-   
  
"Hey! That's my character's name! You stole my name from my Neverwinter Nights character, you bastard! I hate you! I hate you forever!" someone reading this fanfic said.   
  
-AWAY FROM THE NONSENSE-   
  
"Jeric, who is this man?" Byara inquired.   
  
Gorfin looked dumbfounded. "I am Gorfin Yana, once again. Perhaps you would like me to write down my name for you?"   
  
"She meant your job, Gorfy." Jeric said.   
  
"Oh. I am a wizard. One of the better ones, but I prefer to stay out of the news. I don't want people asking me to flibberjibbit their creaky door or go slayeth that dragon. And what might be your name, human-elf?"  
  
"Byara." Pause. "What the hell are you talking about?"   
  
"Ah. Strange name, but all right. The last time I ever had visitors was when some hunters accidentally shot arrows into my cabin, but I'm not complain- Jeric, what are you doing?"   
  
Jeric was over by one of the pipes. He pushed a loose screw that was out of place ding two pipes together into place into its original position. Suddenly, a ledge came down from the ceiling. The ledge was a basic, original ledge that was pulled up and down into the ceiling by a chain, connected to a metal structure that connected the chain and the ledge. The ledge came down onto Gorfin's alchemy table, and snapped it into two.   
  
"Blast and damnation!" Gorfy screamed, hopping up and down. "What in the hells did you do!?"   
  
"I am finding our secret passage, which will, ultimately, cause a lot of frustration for the police," Jeric said. "Now, we will be on our way. Thanks for the memories, Gorfy, but you gotta change where you live. The smells can't be this bearable."   
  
"Stop mocking my magical Mechanus enviroment!"   
  
"Yeah, I can make up stuff too. Come on, Byara."   
  
--------------------------------------   
  
2:48 AM: Elenmor   
  
Marvin woke up suddenly from a nightmare, breaking out in a cold sweat.   
  
"Ugh. What the hell was that all about? I want some dreams that make sense!" Marvin said.   
  
"Marvin, sir, please go back to sleep. Even battleaxes need to rest once in a while," Mr. Friendly said.   
  
"I can't sleep now. I've had two successive nightmares that I can't remember, and now, I'm energized and raring to go." Marvin paused and checked his watch. 2:49. "I'm gonna get something to drink."   
  
Marvin got up, and walked out of the room. The castle was very quiet, and he heard snoring in the other rooms. Luckily, there were some rugs on the stone floor, so he couldn't disturb the other sleepers.   
  
"Now," Marvin whispered under his breath, "time to go to the... oh, shit. Where is the lavatory?"   
  
While Marvin was examining the situation, his bladder began to complain.   
  
"Okay... I'm going to have to start guessing, or there will be a most unfortunate mess. Wai wai, or such."   
  
Marvin crept up to the room in front of his room. He quietly opened the door...   
  
"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" the woman inside the room screamed. Marvin quickly closed the door.   
  
"Okay, wrong one. Uhm... how about this one?" Marvin tried another door.   
  
"Wh- who are you? Get out, you git!" a nobleman yelled at the intruding Marvin.   
  
"Oh, sorry. I was looking for the bathroom-"   
  
"GET OUT!"   
  
"Okay, okay, geez. But first-" Marvin closed the door before a chest drawer could hit him. The drawer banged against the door and fell.   
  
"Okay... where, dammit, where?" Marvin tried another door.   
  
"Oh, dear gods! Get out, thou pervert!" another woman screamed.   
  
Marvin closed the door again. "Goddammit, where is the bathroom?!"   
  
Mr. Friendly crept up right behind Marvin and said, "Use the chamberpot!"   
  
Marvin blinked. "What's a chamberpot?"   
  
Marvin was one of the lucky several people in the new Realms who learned what a enchanted talking battleaxe's groan sounded like.   
  
-----------------------------------------------------   
  
2:50 AM: Bennington Food Court, Super Happy Fun Takeout  
  
  
  
The ledge in the wizard's lair took them up into the kitchen of the "Super Happy Fun Takeout", located in the first floor of the Bennington Food Mall, or nicknamed "Fat-Ass and Rich Teenager Central" among the cynical, mainly for its popularity among teenagers, people who have health problems, and overworked people. The Food Court was a three-story building, containing all the fast-food restaurants in Bennington, leaving room for all the other snooty restaruants and the growing fad of mom and pop businesses. People usually got here by car, by walking, and, but very rarely, by the ledge that was activated in the sewers. The Food Court is open 24 hours a day for your eating convenience.   
  
The chef was suprised to see Mr. Halper, Mrs. Halebein, and that haggard bum with the long gray beard known as Mr. Yana. He screamed something in Chinese, brandishing a long knife.   
  
"Whoah! Whoah there, sir! What did you say?" Jeric said.   
  
The cashier, Chris, came into the back of the kitchen. He was wearing a Super Happy Fun Costume, which was decorated with random buttons, some showing his allegiance to the San Antonio Spurs, a few Digimon buttons, and a "P2P IS THE WAY TO BE!" button. Chris spoke to Jeric. "Hello there, Jeric. The cook's having a bad day, don't mind him."   
  
Jeric spoke without hesitation. "The Thieves' Guild, Chris, it's gone! It's been captured by the police! Someone ratted to the cops!"   
  
The chef pointed the knife at Jeric again, and spoke a warning in Chinese. "Uhm, can-" Jeric started.   
  
"Thieves' Guild?" Chris said, a tone of confusion in his voice.   
  
"Yes, the Thieves'- oh, damn. I forgot you didn't have a clue about what that ledge goes to, and how it's the quickest way into the Thieves' Guild without having to go through the guards, which is also pretty convenient for taking in-"   
  
"Could you please get to the point? I have customers waiting."   
  
"Is the owner in right now?"   
  
The chef poked Jeric in the chest with one of the fingers on his free hand. Jeric responded by slapping the chef's hand away, causing him to jump back and utter a low growl.   
  
"Please stop." Chris said, a tone of annoyance seeping into his speech. "You'll rile him up, and then he'll be too exhausted to work."   
  
"Sorry. Is the owner in?"   
  
"Yes. I'll go get him."   
  
Chris walked around to the door on the left, which was the owner's room. "Hello, sir. Some Jeric guy's here to see you."   
  
Mumble, mumble.   
  
"Yes, he's from the Thieves' Guild, he used the secret ledge in the back."   
  
Mumble.   
  
"No."   
  
Mumble?   
  
"Yes! Look, not to be rude, but I have to serve the customers!"   
  
Mumble, mumble.   
  
"Thank you."   
  
Mumble, mumble.   
  
Chris walked out, going to back to the cashier's table. Jeric and friends walked in to go see the owner.   
  
The owner's room was a medium, rectangular room, used to count up the finances and earnings of the day. It contained a bed, some whiskey, a medicine cabinet, a toilet, a sink, a small color TV, and a mini-fridge. It was also the home of the 80-year-old "Owner". The "Owner" was gray-haired, bald, fat, wearing dentures, and looked ready to keel over and die any day now.   
  
The owner mumbled out his sentences. "Jeric, my lad. Welcome to my home. I hope Chris wasn't too annoyed. He's got a lot of work to do, and not enough time to do it..." The owner chuckled. "I swear, that boy's got the vigor I had when I was in my early twenties. A bit odd, and he plays his loud rock noise a bit loud, but he's a good lad." He paused for a moment. "Ah, but enough about old memories. What brings you here today?"   
  
"What?" Byara said.   
  
"I said, what brings you here today?"   
  
"Could you please speak up?"   
  
"Why are you here?" The owner said, in a louder tone.   
  
"The cops found the headquarters, Owner, sir. It's all over. The dream is gone."   
  
"They did?" the owner said, and sighed. "Ah, old times. The cops eventually would have found it... but not this soon. I guess someone got careless."   
  
"Careless... yeah, that's it..."   
  
"All right. Son, I need you to go to Louisiana and tell the Thieves' Guild about this. We are going to start fresh and anew. I need you to go to Louisiana and ask the Thieves' Guild there to help us out. All I ask is that you send an electronic encrypted mail to an address I will give to you privately. Please tell your friends to leave the room."   
  
Gorf and Byara left the room, and closed the door behind them.   
  
Meanwhile, Chris continued to have problems at the cash register. A man with a green mohawk, carrying a plate of kung-pao chicken, was next in line.   
  
"Uh... like, yeah, man, this chicken doesn't have any soy sauce, man... could I, like, have some soy sauce?" Chris bent down under the counter, and came back up with a small squirt bottle of soy sauce. "Thanks, man."   
  
The man unscrewed the cap of the small bottle, laid it down on the counter, bottlemouth pointing at Chris, and brought down his fist on the bottle. Soy sauce splattered all over Chris' shirt. The man with the mohawk laughed, and walked away, leaving his tray on the counter. Chris picked up the two chopsticks on the tray, left his counter again, and walked over to the guy with the mohawk, who was about to leave.   
  
"Hey, asshole!" Chris screamed.   
  
The guy with the mohawk turned around. "Hey, there, soy boy! Haha! You're so stupid- hey, what are you doing- GET AWAY FROM ME! OW! OW! OW! AIEEEEEE!" Chris finished jamming the chopsticks up Mohawk guy's nose. "The Super Happy Fun Restaurant asks that you please do not abuse the cashier or any other employee for humorous benefit, sir. Have a nice day." Chris turned around and went back to work.   
  
----------------------------- 3:00 AM: Gorfin's Room   
  
The SWAT team was completely befuddled at the wizard's room. "What the hell is this?" one SWAT member asked. "Why would someone want to live in the sewers?"   
  
"And where's Halper?" another one asked. "Where did he go?"   
  
"I don't know... these thieves have all the tricks." Luckily, the ledge was reset to its original space- when it was retracted back into the ceiling, the hidden ledge was virtually undetectable.   
  
"Dammit. We lost him. Jeric is either hiding somewhere in here, or he's used a secret passage to go somewhere else. Everyone, start investigating. Look for anything suspicious-"   
  
"Uhm, Paul, this WHOLE ROOM is suspicious-"   
  
"Anything that might open up a passage to another room or something. Start looking!"  
  
  
  
----------------------------------------------------- 3:02 AM: Chase Scene   
  
Marvin woke up to the angry sounds of angry elves. "What now?" he said. "Can't a fella sleep in peace?" Marvin got up, walked over to the door, and flung it open. There were several angry elves.   
  
"You boorish... boorish... human!" one of the elves said.   
  
"You stupid git!" another said. "Can this PLEASE wait until the fucking morning?" Marvin said, annoyed.   
  
Everyone, except for Marvin, gasped when they heard the foul language.   
  
"This man with his foul mouth! All the more reason to boot you out of Elenmor!"   
  
"All right, let me try this: Get away from my fucking room or I'll start firing my gun."   
  
"Blasted human! Get out of Elenmor!"   
  
"How about you get your head out of your ass?"   
  
"My head is not in a donkey, you sick, violent human!"   
  
"Oh, good GOD..."   
  
"Leave, human! Leave! LEAVE!"   
  
"You know what? I need sleep. And you deluded maniacs need some, too. Now, how about if you go away?"   
  
"Never! Lea-" *SLAM* Marvin sighed, and went back to bed, falling asleep to the throngs of angry elves. "Screw the chase scene, I need my bloody sleep!"  
  
----------------------------------------   
  
Uh, heheheh... uhm... dammit. Uhm, Chapter 9 is coming soon! This first book was originally going to be 13 chapters, but I may extend it to 15 or 18... 


End file.
